Ghoul interview with Digestor

By Ron Senyo:

Hailing from the catacombs of Creepsylvania, the mask clad mutants of Ghoul have just released their musical masterpiece Dungeon Bastards. The album is available in slime green and blood red vinyl with a gatefold jacket that opens into the Dungeon Bastards board game. The player’s objective is to reach the end of the Creepsylvanian map and jump the Wall Of Death.

This band of mutants crawled out of the depths of what we would call hell, and they comfortably call home. They made their way to the city streets of Baltimore Maryland just to share their special kind of thrash infused metal, mixed with blood, guts, and gore with Empire Extreme. Digestor, who seemed to be the only member capable of speech, cornered our writer, Ron.  As he pressed Ron against the wall, Ron could feel it getting harder and harder to breath. Thus began our interview…

Empire: um… um… How… How are you doing today Digestor?.. Mr. Digestor?
Digestor: I’m doing great! A little hungry. There’s not a lot of people here yet and I haven’t really eaten.

E: So… How is the tour going? Good I hope…  sir…
D: So far so good. This country is great for cannibals, there so many fat fucks all over the place and there are easy to chase down, murder and eat. It’s been going pretty good so far and all the bands have been really nice.

E: You can let me go any time…
D: (straring)

E: You, you have a new CD? . How was the process of recording that?
D: It was really good; we recorded it with a guy called Scott Evans, with AntiSleep studios in Oakland California, which was a departure. We usually record onto a wax cylinder recorder in the catacombs, but we went to an actually studio this time which was great. Scott did a really good fucking job on the thing, but we were so sorry to kill him and orphan his children… it had to be done.

E: Where’s the best place ghoul has ever performed?
D: Well we love BALTIMORE MARYLAND… but also Los Angles, California has been great for us for some reason. I don’t know why but there fucking maniacs down there.

E: Has Jason Voorhees ever given you a thumbs up for wardrobe?
D: Jason gave us a thumb. It was a disembodied thumb. He hacked it off some camper. I couldn’t tell if thumbs up or thumbs down, it was sideways in a box.

E: Have you been back to Cryptsylvania Lately?
D:  Ya we go there between ever tour, that’s where we live. Were back there all the time and it is a fucking shithole. The people there are miserable. The leaders are corrupt and brutal. Nobody likes their lives there? It kind of reminds us of here.

E: How do the Creeps like America?
D: Oh yes, there’s a lot of delicious fried foods, slurpees, rock ‘n roll music, hula hoops, and all of those things which we love so much about your country.

E: There’s a rumor that the Swamp Hag has been around the US and may in fact be Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump?
D: It’s hard to tell. She looks a little more like Donald Trump to be honest. She has that face and those squinty eyes. She’s a little green around the gills and he’s a little more orange.

E: If you had to sacrafice one of your members to finally be rid of Killbot, who would it be?
D: I think I would just kill myself so I can end this fucking insane charade. This is a pointless existence and I really like to go now.

E: If you had a Necromancer, what Musician would you bring back?
D: That’s a good question. How about I have to think about this one. I kind of like that David Bowie. He seemed like a nice guy. Lemmy would be a good one. Possibly Pat Boone… I think he might actually be alive but he looks really old. If we can get the necromancer to make Pat Boone just a little but younger that would be great, because he was really good when he was a young guy.

E: What bands would you like the Mutilator to Kill?
D: Every other band, they are our competition. We feel if we can get them all out of the way, that would be best for us. The only band who can play anywhere. I think our dance card  would be fucking full for the next decade or so.

E: When Ghoul is not shredding the tracks or trying to eat people, what do you guys like to do?
D: Grave robbery, murder, we create orphans, we kill orphans, we make bootleg liquor and sell it to people in the town, and generally make asses out of ourselves. We also play board games sometimes. We have a new one in the Dungeon Bastard. We play that exclusively, that comes with the Dungeon Bastard album.

E: Anything else like to say to the fans?
D: We are coming for you! You have no chance for survival!  You will be brutally beaten, hacked, slashed, eaten, and scolded. Not necessarily in that order. We will scold you for your stupid haircuts, you’re fucked up clothes, and your stupid fucking faces.

E: Thanks for taking the time, coming out of the crypt to talk to us.
D: Thank you for having us, I’m sorry but I have to murder you now.

Editior’s note:  Following this interview, we have an opening for a field writer in the Baltimore Maryland area. Applicants must not be afraid of mutants and have experience working with ghouls, freaks and alleged serial killers.

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Ron

Ron has keen eye for new talent, a love for the underground, and a tremendous passion for music of any genera. You’ll probably bump into him at a horror convention or some seedy club checking out the next need-to-know band.

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