Beefcake of GWAR

The capture, interview, torture, disembodiment, and subsequent reanimation of both mortals and intergalactic bad asses.

By Ron Senyo:  

If you were not aware of this planet’s invasion from those reprehensible life forms collective known as GWAR, then Empire Extreme and in particular our field reporter Ron S is here to fill you in on exactly what a disgusting bunch they are. Ron was able to corner Beefcake The Mighty by leading him into a backroom by leaving a trail of pigs-feet and crystal meth.  Ron was able to appease the beast, at least momentarily and thus was able to ask a few brief questions about his intergalactic and global knowledge.

Empire: How’s GWAR B-Q feeling today… Hot?
BeefCake: Ya, it’s hot have you not been outside?

Empire: Do you have a new cd coming out soon?
Beefcake:  Were thinking about. ya … ya.. We’re working on a new cd or album or whatever the fuck you call it now a days.

E: Is it going to awesome, everyone going to enjoy it?
B: Obviously…?

E: If you could have any band do a GWAR cover, who would you like it to be?
B: Sammy Davis Jr.. Yeah that’s right..
E: What song would you want him to do?
B: Maybe “Babyraper”.  “Slap you around”… I really don’t give a shit!

E: If you had the chance to take out Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump for real.. Would you do it?
B: Yeah… We’re going to take them out. Why not?  Why wouldn’t we do that? We might do that today..

E: Any news about what you’re going to do for the AV Club?
B: Ya. I can’t tell you . It’s a surprise.
E: But you are doing one?
B: Ya… Every Year!

E: Well thanks for giving us a few minutes.
B: No problem, No problem.
E: Have a good set…
B: You too… Oh wait you’re not playing.
E: I might be…
B: (Laughs) I Hope not!

With that I turned to grab my recorder, and backpack and I felt a surge of pressure at the back of my neck. I tried to turn to see what was attacking me, but was only able to rotate enough to see the blur of Beefcake’s massive hands coming into for a finishing blow.  Beefcake proceeded to grab me by my face with his free hand and palm my face like a basketball.  Last thing I remember was the spinning blades of the meat grinder getting closer and closer to my head as he shoved me in head first despite my blood curdling pleas for mercy.

As luck would have it the rest of the GWAR crew were able to piece me back together with a hodgepodge of spare parts and their miraculous biological skills.  I was good as new just in time to see GWAR hit the stage and destroy Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and Donald Trump.  They left a trail of body parts and entrails that undoubtedly will be used to repair Beefcake’s next victim.
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About Author

Ron

Ron has keen eye for new talent, a love for the underground, and a tremendous passion for music of any genera. You’ll probably bump into him at a horror convention or some seedy club checking out the next need-to-know band.

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